Digital Arcana

Here’s a shot of the Arsenic and Old Lace set.  It was a fantastic show and I was privileged to work with a universally wonderful cast and crew.

March 1st, 2010 | Category: Moblogging | Comments Off

For many years, I have been encouraged by my wife to write this story but I have never taken the time.  Tonight I was told by a very good friend that, if I hadn’t written it yet, I would very likely never write it.  This of course was blatant reverse psychology but I am genetically incapable of backing down from a challenge, so…

Back in 1999 I took my first ill-fated trip to Las Vegas.   It was a business trip and I was not looking forward to it.

A business trip to Las Vegas, you ask!  Surely it was a boondoggle?!  No!  I was traveling to Black Hat/DEF CON, a pair of conferences focusing on hacking, penetration testing and other digital tomfoolery.  At the time, I was doing penetration testing for the Federal Reserve Bank and thoroughly enjoying being a “white-hat” hacker.  To be fair, it is more accurate to say that I was looking forward to the conference itself but not the city in which it was hosted.  To me, Las Vegas always seemed like a very seedy place; a stereotype that has been reinforced by portrayals in television and movies.  In fact, I ultimately found the city to be pleasant, fun, generally clean and even beautiful in its own way.  Furthermore  the conferences were, as expected, very educational and entertaining.  (At least the parts I eventually got to experience.  More on that later.)  However, this is not a story about the conferences, lock-picking classes, table dancing, reverse engineering of the HVAC system of the host resort in the middle of a Las Vegas summer to blow hot air or any part of the conferences themselves.  This is a story about my trip to the conferences, and what awaited me when I first arrived in arid Las Vegas, Nevada.

I was flying from Richmond, Virginia and my flight was connecting with a short layover in a city that I have since forgotten.  I never visited that city because the first disaster of my trip struck that flight, causing the airplane to overheat on the runway.  I was informed by the airline that they did not have another open flight that evening, but they would be happy to help me find another flight that would still get me to Las Vegas that night.  A deal was struck and I was running off to another gate to catch my new flight, connecting through Charlotte, North Carolina.  I needn’t have bothered with rushing, as that flight was delayed by several hours.  I asked the gate attendant if it would be better to find another flight, as I was sure I would miss my connecting flight and I’d rather sleep in my own bed than be stranded in Charlotte.  I was assured that they were holding our connecting flight and so I waited.  We eventually boarded the plane and I was actually happy to be on my way.

Of course, my happiness was short-lived.  Apparently as we were en route, lightning struck the tower of the Charlotte airport and made for an interesting landing and several delays.  Due to complications from the lightning strike, it was decided that my connecting flight had a shortened escape window and could not wait.  I arrived at the gate, breathless, just in time to see my flight begin to taxi away.  It turned out that no more flights were leaving the Charlotte airport that night and I was trapped there with a throng of angry travelers.  Several interesting people-watching opportunities involving long lines, surly airline employees with death wishes and poor old ladies with ridiculously over-sized luggage later and I was in possession of a voucher for the last open hotel room in Charlotte, North Carolina as well as a ticket for a flight to Las Vegas the next day, connecting through picturesque Newark, New Jersey.

I shared the shuttle ride to the hotel with an entire collegiate fencing team and their bag of sabers, foils and epees.  Due to the size of the shuttle van and the relative size of an entire collegiate fencing team, I spent the ride perched, for all practical purposes, on the aforementioned bag of swords.  I called my wife when I reached my hotel room, exhausted and disappointed that I would likely miss the better part of my first day at the conference.  I awoke the next morning and attempted to shower before sallying forth to catch my next flight.  Have you ever been in a hotel with no cold water?  I have.  Due to a satanic convolution in the plumbing, I checked out that morning with a lovely, glowing lobster-red complexion.

I soldiered on to the Charlotte airport, only to be informed upon checking in that the flight through Newark had been canceled for reasons that I no longer remember.  I called my manager at the Federal Reserve and begged to be allowed to simply return home, preferably by rental car, as I was sure any additional air travel at that point would probably involve a plane crash.  I was scolded for being paranoid and told that the conference had been paid for, so I was going to go.  There was more quality time with the airlines and a new flight was booked, connecting through Dallas, Texas.

A mercifully uneventful flight later and I was in the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport starting my multiple-hour layover under bright blue Texas skies.  The black storm clouds that rolled in shortly thereafter moved incredibly quickly but I’m sure they had to rush, assuming they thought they would be meeting me in Newark.  We boarded the plane on time and I was seated in and around a charming British family also bound for Las Vegas.  As we were finding our seats, the skies opened up into a full Texas-sized thunderstorm, driving the luggage crews off the dangerous tarmac.  Most of our baggage lay discarded on the belts.  I vividly remember the voice of the prim and precocious little British boy in the seat in front of me as he looked out the airplane window and saw a large, soft-sided suitcase containing a growing puddle and saying: “Mummy!  Isn’t that our luggage?!”  I didn’t know the word ‘schadenfreude’ at the time, but I’m ashamed to say I recognize the feeling now.

Three hours in a hot, unmoving airplane later and I was finally on the final leg of my journey.  I arrived in Las Vegas shortly before 11pm local time at the end of the first day of the conference and dragged myself to the newly-opened Venetian Hotel, exhausted.  I called my wife to let her know that I was, against all odds, still alive.  Twenty-six hours and four different airlines later and I had arrived!

The next day, I woke late after enjoying the absolutely gorgeous room at the Venetian and ran to make the keynote for the second day of the Black Hat conference.  Upon leaving the keynote, I noticed what I thought was a strange fountain pouring out onto the carpet in one of the hotel hallways.  In fact, I was seeing just part of the impact of this: LINK.  Yes, I found a flood in the middle of the desert: the perfect punchline to the joke of my first trip to Las Vegas.  The karmic fallout of my cursed trip meant I had to endure several rainstorms in the desert each time I returned to Las Vegas.  The streak has since been broken, but for awhile I believed I could bring rain to the desert with my mere presence.

In the end, I had great fun at the conferences.  I gambled for the first time, discovered sushi and met good friends with whom I have sadly since lost touch.  My return trip was uneventful and I have a story to tell about my trip and more than a few more stories about being in Las Vegas for the Flood of 1999.  Maybe I will write about those in this blog… in another eleven years.

February 16th, 2010 | Category: Personal | Comments (4)

This is a test.  It’s also a very funny image…

December 18th, 2009 | Category: Moblogging | Comments (2)

If you’ve been around me lately, you know I’m working on a cursed project. It’s been one Murphy’s Law moment after another. Witness the latest example.

You see, things were finally going right. The stars had aligned and we were ready to execute a successful test. I was optimistic. At the start of the test I said, and I quote: "Let’s set this infrastructure on fire."

Oh boy.

We were almost the entire way through a successful test – in the home stretch. Then everything fell apart. Connections disappeared and we lost everything. At first we thought the test had simply failed. Then we saw the firemen.

Yup. Our data center is on fire. I took a picture, got in my car and came home. Oh well… Maybe next week if there’s anything left to run a test on.

Go on. Tell me I’m not cursed.

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May 21st, 2009 | Category: Moblogging | Comments (6)

I figured that the time spent helping my lovely wife figure out how to blog from her phone could be leveraged to give me expanded blog powers too.

Here’s hoping it works. For your amusement, here’s a shot I took at our local liquor store.

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March 13th, 2009 | Category: Moblogging | Comments (3)

Thanks to Hugeness for inspiring a rare blog post here at Digital Arcana.

We gather here to mourn the loss of an old friend:  Customer Service.

Let us bow our heads and remember a time when you could walk into a store or restaurant and be greeted in a friendly manner by a store employee that did not assume that they were automatically entitled to your contribution to their paycheck.

Lovely wife and I have been in several stores and restaurants lately and been greeted by the now-common employee on a personal phone call.  I’ve only just become aware that chatting with your BFF on your cell (or on the phone line paid for by their employer?!) is a marketable job skill.  I’m not entirely sure how this contributes to overall sales, especially in this economy, but it’s apparent that there are thousands of these skilled professionals employed in all areas of retail, food service and technical support.  They are joined by other skilled professionals who have been trained in the fine arts of looking bored or total incompetence.

The worst part is that we’re being conditioned to accept this as normal behaviour.  I was recently in a local store looking for fire logs.  An employee noticed me looking and asked what I was looking for.  At first I was confused.  Normally only employees working on commission in electronics or car sales ask (assault?) me with questions about my needs.  I recovered and asked about the location of the fire logs, expecting the standard answer:  “Yeah, man… I think we have those somewhere.  That’s not my department.”  What I got was the precise location of the fire logs.  I was so stunned, I don’t remember anything after that.  I found myself standing in the parking lot with a box of fire logs, a receipt and a terrible urge to run back into the store, find a manager and demand that the employee be promoted immediately for actually doing his job. Yeah.  They’ve got me trained.

I think it’s about time we do a little training of our own.  There are many reasons to regret our current economic situation, but I think it affords consumers a unique opportunity.  More than ever, the consumer wields the power and it is our responsibility to use this power for good.  Remember:  we are revenue and employees are expense.  Allow me to make a proposal.  We can remind businesses, employers and managers that bad service can still result in the loss of a sale.  If you’re treated badly, you can and should just walk away after letting someone know that a sale was lost and why.  Here are some ground rules to keep everyone honest:

1. This might be inconvenient.  You might have to take the time to go to another store to follow through on your vow to take your business elsewhere.  This is probably the hardest part. (The part that the worst offenders are counting on.)  We are all so busy with work and family that it’s hard to take the time to stand up for ourselves, but it’s worth it in the long run.
2. Be prepared for the fact that the manager might be just as rude as the employee.  It might be necessary to take the time to work your way up the chain of command.
3. Be polite.  It doesn’t have to be an argument.  It’s far more effective to calmly inform someone that they have a problem with their business and walk away.  Your credibility will be improved if they can’t just dismiss you as a raving lunatic.  (This is the hard part for me.)
4. Pass it on.  I know I don’t have a large readership (any readership?!).  One consumer is an anomaly, ten or a hundred are a reason to change a policy.  If you read this and it helps you feel better about the money you spend, tell a few people and contribute to the resurrection of our dearly departed Customer Service.

Most of us work hard for our paychecks.  When you go to spend your hard-earned money remember that you deserve to be treated like someone who isn’t getting paid just to talk on the phone.

January 29th, 2009 | Category: Personal | Comments (6)

Yummy.

Ok.  Everybody’s doing it.  It would figure I’m gray…

Still… The description is fairly accurate.

December 6th, 2008 | Category: Personal | Comments (4)

Mostly, I’ve been up to my eyeballs in prose and dialog.  The last few thousand words have been like pulling teeth, and I’m sure I have a few edits to do before it’s anywhere near ready for prime time.  But it is DONE!!!

It’s been an interesting experience for me, since I’ve never set out to write anything longer than a short story, but it has indeed been the best of times and the worst of times.

I can guarantee that, had it not been for the encouragement of NaNoWriMo and my patient and supportive wife, this novel would have been gathering dust at ten thousand words.  As it is, I can guarantee that many of the scenes near the end are going to need a ton of work.  I was lurching for the finish line, throwing words at paper (or its digital equivalent) like a truly desperate man.

However, I have learned a few things during this writing process that will be useful as I work on editing this novel and maybe even beginning another:

1. You have to keep writing.  You’ll write crap, and you’ll hate yourself for it but you have to put it down there and keep moving.  No novel writing exercise ever ends with the first draft and there is always time to go back and fix it.  However, if there’s nothing to fix, then you’ve just blown several hours looking at a blank screen when you could have been writing a big steaming pile of words, gotten past that section and into something good.  Once the entire novel is written, that section can always be wrapped up in its literary diaper and thrown out with the other trash.  Its replacement will be a thousand times easier to write when you can look at the novel as a whole.
2. Deadlines are your friend.  You will hate them.  They will loom at you.  You really can’t do it without them, at least I have found that I can’t.
3. I hate writing dialog.  I can’t stress this enough, so I’m going to say it again:  I HATE writing dialog.  Hate it.  Hate it. Hate it! Setting out to write dialog starts out with forgetting the natural rhythm of every conversation you have ever had and putting to paper the most stilted and uncomfortable conversation anyone has ever seen.  The characters you love so dearly are now gibbering morons.  Whoopee!  However, remembering Lesson 1 above, you soldier through.  You’ll get to know your characters better and they really will start to speak through you… eventually.
4. I love my little laptop.  My Dell Mini running Open Office went above and beyond the call of duty, running smoothly, quietly and without a hint of fuss or slowdown through 50,752 words.  I eventually plugged it into a spare full-sized keyboard and monitor to save both fingers and eyes, but the screen and keyboard were more than adequate for the shorter writing sessions.
5. Being done with a first draft feels GOOD!
6. I’m sick of writing for awhile.  Have a good holiday weekend and keep an eye out for Mad Eyes on your local bookstore shelves… eventually.  ::fingers crossed::

November 29th, 2008 | Category: Personal | Comments (7)

Listening to the radio on the way into work this morning, I heard about a new website and their desire to bring independent film to more viewers on the web.  In this case, it’s a good cause in many ways, because they are currently showcasing films in remembrance of the losses of 9/11.

September 9th, 2008 | Category: Personal | Comments (1)